Modesto, CA

Photo by: Katie L. Widick

Monster

Baby let's dance in the dark! Because if Alejandro, Roberto, or Fernando sees us--we're going to get our brains and hearts eaten! The three of them are still mad at me because of our previous bad romance. I got so caught up in them. They wanted my ugly and disease. I gave it to them for free. Always saying, "You know that I want you, and you know that I need you" but I did it in revenge. Since they wanted my revenge. Eventually I became a free bitch because I walked and walked for fashion. Just don't call my name. I have both hands in my pocket so I wont wave. Also because I wont look at you. Nothing to lose anymore. I'm not his "babe" anymore. He's just a baby. Those boys were monsters. But he was indeed a monster in bed. Always tearing my clothes off. I loved that boy. Oh boy, he left me speechless though. I still wonder if I could fix him. I can't believe I gave it all up for him. Anyways, I'll provide the silicone and saline as long as you show me your teeth you monster! That tramp, no, that vamp! Find your freedom he used to say. I remember he used to call me all the time. I'd tell him STOP CALLING! I don't wanna think anymore! I don't wanna talk anymore! I used to leave my head and heart on the dance floor. I left them all. In the silence of the night, through all the tears and all the lies--I always had a good time. So happy, that I could die. And it was alright. I was vain, but as much as I allowed myself to be. I just wanted his sex. haha! Always taking a bite of me. I've done it before, so he was never scared. I opened my mouth for him. He was my religion. My addiction. I'm not perfect. I needed a man. He always tied my hands up, and I showed him my love. His teeth. It was indeed...


A bad romance..

After The BALL

Birthday Gift

December 14, 2009

San Francisco, CA

Bill Graham Civic Auditorium 7:30 p.m.

The Fame Monster

Thanks for the exposure.

Oops?

Accidents can be wonders.

[Photo by: Katie L. Widick]

Yum

A chili dog from Mario. :)

Amnesty International

Here and there

From Gloria this morning.

My response.

Winter Formal

My first time. Thanks Gloria. <3

Shoes

My favorite.

Kiss

It's, one of the best feelings.

Internal Engine

I love my camera much more now.. because it smells like you.

One dollar at a time, one day at a time, and one lifetime with you.

Here we are again... Any progress this time?

I really need to wipe you down, clean inside and out.

Some habits need to die, and real fast. Pick up the pace. You've got a lot of work to do.

New- people are pretty awesome! Not exactly buying, but being kind.

I'm going to push your buttons!

Ear piercing! I want one! Only if you get one.

If you come to me with intentions of a friendship with benefits--you're out my life.

It's abused much too often. The point is to save it for important people. Practice make "perfect"-- but you disgust me. You're a fucking cunt you nasty faggot. You give us a bad reputation.

Fuck you.

There are many many things I like about you.

But there's one thing I love about you..and that's you being you.

Everyday I wake up, hoping it's a good day. I need my daily dose of you. Without you, I'm pretty much empty inside.

I have a lot to give--but I can't give it all to you at once.. I want to save some for later. For those "I'm never going to forget this day" moments.

The bumps in the road are not wonderful.. I don't look forward to them, yet I do. Because it will make our relationship stronger--thus better in the end. The end is when you die. The end is when I die. The end is when we both die. Forever, I can love you.

I must admit, I'm scared at times because I don't want to fuck it up. I think both of us are genuine and one of a kind.

I can't stand being upset. I can't imagine being upset with you. I have some things I need to fix about myself. I am imperfect. But I am still me and always will be me. I will always be here, there, and everywhere for you.

For if you need to fall, I will catch you--and if need be, I will fall with you. And if you need to escape, I will take you to an island--and if need be, we can get lost together.

What more can I say? Those three itty bitty words with such intense meaning..is what I feel. It's how I feel. Whenever your name comes up, I feel happy.

Some days, we won’t say those three words.

It's one thing to say I love you, but another thing to show it.

How do you want me to show it? How do you want me to give it?

I wish I could be like you sometimes. Sometimes I wish I was you.

I've crawled out of a dark hole because I saw something bright. It was you. I was afraid to come out of my hole, but once I saw how nice you were--I was ever so regretful for even staying in that hole. If only you came sooner. But the point is, you came. I saw. And we conquered.

You are the best thing/person to ever come into my life. I plan to have those feel good moments with you. I want to be next to you. I hope you will be next to me--for the tree is still growing.

I love you.

Thoughtfulness

Your voice was all I heard. The memory has been removed from the driven. The weight is one of the best thing. Firmness, warmth, satisfaction.

Pull me, I'll pull you. They don't love you. It's an act. First time. How awful-whore. Secret friend.

Push me, I'll hit you. Turn me on, ignite. Exploit me, I will enjoy it.

I can feel you, moving inside me. Like a parasite. AGH!! You’re making my eyes water and my nose runny.

I won't be on my way. Locomotive. Run! Get off the tracks!

Abyss?

3 levels can be seen. One is hidden. You make such funny sounds. ^_^

You're only a young man! He is an obese superman. Thank you McDonalds!

Pre-moistened. Inferior. Superiority. I love you my little muffin.

Excessive. :/

She expects me to look. She's pretty, but I'm gay. :)

How do I bring it up?

Yeah, I like guys-but I love mine. Sometimes looking can be harmful. I prefer not to look.. Mixed/bad signals from both parties.

I dare you to accelerate. Text. Type. Write. Hate. Live. Fear. Hope... Love.

Alpha-Beta-Omega.

Kiss you so hard, I'll take your breath away. Holding you down--sitting on you. The beauty of the syringe.

You're taking longer than eye expected...

She looks very disoriented. Hear that baby roar!! Get off your fucking cell phone! NO texting!

I WILL BE PRESIDENT...

You're an animal. Show me your manly side. I'm begging for it!

Handle it. Toss it. Injection. Depletion. Relaxation. Second set.

Not quite ready, but willing to accept it--rough.

There is a guy walking with an electric guitar.

You never have to be alone.

Play.

Play with me. I'll go 80 if you go 90.

I'm curious. Deposit. Trains and tunnels. OR-Train and tunnel.

Your religious beliefs are fucking crazy!!!

Cute haircut. Mustang. Yum? No! Ew!

BIS.

I slide you into my mouth, keep you in there until you melt. You're so delicious, sweet but cold. Rocky Road.

You're moldy! I don't like you because you taste nasty! I'm sorry we put you to waste. $2

The most undesirable part about our relationship, is saying goodbye.

Sometimes I hate talking to you. I'd rather be with you, silent. Enjoying your company. Anytime, anywhere.

I wish I could pour myself on you--but you'd probably drown.

You go back and forth with people--yet to discover you are alone in the end.

Gifts

One day, if you feel like crying call me--I'll cry with you.

I'll try my best to make you laugh.

If one day you want to get out of here, call me--I'll take you somewhere.

We can go to another town-go to a park, sit down and enjoy our solitude.

If you hate everyone, come to me--so we can talk about how ridiculous people can be.

I'll be a fake ass bitch for a day. As long as you feel better in the end.

I'll listen to the problems you face in life.

If you ever call me, and I don't answer--just come to me.

Sometimes I'm scared that he'll convince you to leave and be. I wish you would disconnect and be within one. It's your choice, your consequence, and someone else's emotional fatality.

I'm starting to find people's ridiculous comments to be--well--ridiculous. Some say this about you, some say that about us. But oh well. I'm happy. Regardless of moronic baboons.

The sound of the road reminds me of thunder, I can even feel it.

Majestic. Do not stop, keep going.. Much more to see.

Dasani-gummy bears-milk-donuts.

There are so many people!

No collecting-die or don't.

Oh wow! The air is so crisp-it smells so delicious! Customer service is okay, a friendly welcome would be nice.

The adults and children seem to be amazed. Woah!!

I saw Jesus at the top--it was AMAZING!!

What goes through your mind when you say "I love you"?

Some people are just too old; saying twice the age difference.

Their financial status may say one thing--but their personality and heart’s desire says another.

You’re sexually insatiable. It's gross. It rubs off with the ones you hang out with--this is why I do not get near you. So no party for me. No games.

Wondering why you're well known, it's not the best thing. Find the right [wrong] person, and it's all over...

Why do guys think the size of your dick is important? It doesn't define you, just makes you more obnoxious [to me].

We say we look for friendships, but we really mean serious relationships.

The people you don't know, you want to know. They are so close. 10 minutes.

I took the chance. I succeeded.

Every time I see you, I get the feeling you want to say something.. It makes me smile.

Decisions

Poor water conditions--not a good thing.

I'm trying to find patterns or faces on my textured walls-it's fun.

This song is creepy. Cujo is awesome.

How smart is SmartWater?

The wireless transmitter has good range-I'm impressed.

It's something I can't control; it's so dry-arid like the desert.

The people walk by so unaware (oblivious?) of what's really going on. Stupid...

No matter how many times I try to comfort it, it becomes distressed. You have no sympathy for anyone or anything around you.

Nudity-the start. The beach-forever washed away. Eroded more aggressively than me. You pull things in from the outer world. It's a world within a world; odd creatures with creations

Dwindle..

How can I put it? I love you...

It's locked in, there's no key to open it.

You're mine forever.

Always with an attitude when I come. Ever so delightful when I go.

Fuck you. :)

Mmm, I must resist temptations. My possession is an obsession.

There's a point in your life-where you just don't care anymore... I haven't reached that point, I care too much about you to not care.

I wonder how much you can handle without saying-yeah, that's a little too much attention... I wonder how much I can handle??

I could never get enough of you... I can handle it forever.

Looking up at the stars was nice. I waited to do it with someone I love. It's always been something I wanted to do. It hit the spot. Thank you Mario.

I feel more attached.

It would be ridiculous to not want to love you, or even not say I love you. Only a fool could do and not say such a thing.

"If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, I would use my last breath to say I love you."

Beginning

I'm lost.

I want to burn your arm with a cigarette to hear you cry, just so i can help you. The smell of alcohol is distressing. Don't come to me reeking of it.

Punch, slap, poke, tickle, laugh--<3

It's a nectarine, not a peach love. The thought counts.

Call me, I’ll come to you--do the same for me.

This hemp string smells odd.

"Here we are in the center of the first world; I choose love."

Be the music I drive to-loud and attentive. I feel you-the bass is good.

"I've got you on my mind-all of the time, I can't let go."

I'm really enjoying my life...

The ground is wet, it smells good.

I'm curious to know what it tastes like... [No thank you]

In a sense, I'm kind of nervous to learn more about myself--what if it's something bad?

You're the heroin that flows through my veins-so powerful... my heartbeat accelerates.

People will eventually figure out I do drugs-you are my drug of choice.

It's all built up inside-that's why I cried/will cry.

I am, for some odd reason, quite patient with you. Every moment I wait, I become more excited. Just don't make me wait for nothing.

You're gone for good, I'm saddened by this.. I can't eat your products.

There's a part of you in my room.

Brewed tea. Sweet. Synthesizers. Fluorescent light bulbs. Broken CD. Prescription drugs.

He's gone; you've drowned him out of my mind. Trust me.

I overreact to the simplest things.

That was inappropriate. Fix the damage. Or I'll fix you. Self corruption.

I want to be someone's bad influence.

I discriminate music--iPod worthy?

Why is there so much noise outside? It sounds like explosions..

Did you hear that? In the closet..? It's silence. It sounds nice.

I feel like digging a hole, perhaps I'll discover something..

I can find a portal to another dimension. Take me away; come with me Mario.

One day I'll attend your school-it's one of my main goals in life.

I'm going to set up a wireless network so you can use your iPod Touch when you come over. Just for you.

My negativity horrifies me. So please, shut up.

It burns inside..

The one you really want to keep ever so badly. Forgive him for getting upset, he has the right to. The future is brighter than the sun with him... Water the tree, so new leaves can grow.

I'm sure I can do it; I need a boost.

Giving up is lame-I won't... Will you?

The Feeling

It is difficult, trust me. You’re the one to save me from inside the dark caverns--days are tragic, I’ve been broken into pieces... help me find my place again... to be happy once more.

Games are fun in the beginning~before I take one more step...ask me a question. Make it a difficult one to answer, my next move is fatal. Nobody can save me from falling, or collapsing in on myself.

The star is peaceful, symbolize~~~~~~~

I'll show you infinity only if you show me the feeling.

Whatever is possible-can be impossible

Criticism, hate, pain, fear, agony, LOvE; branded objects are important. Should I grab the needle and brand my chest??

It's a blank wall, not because it's white-but because it's dark...

Darkness is happiness, only when white is around. You’re the white in absence of color, you bring life to the image, which, is, my, own, self..!

I try hard not to look beyond the pages--but I can't control my curiosity, yet to only find blank pages. How come you have to die? Why become of existence??

One always falls; it's a tragic ending... sometimes a better beginning.

Your nails are tough, you're able to tear me apart so simply because my barrier is so thin... I smell you right next to me, on top, and in front... but you're nowhere to be found.

I've been behaving myself as hard as the ground beneath you... I am the dirt--the minerals that flow through you. I am me, but sometimes no one...

I found happiness through a silent background and a viewfinder. The shutter is magnificent but the speed is poor. You’re the garbage in my can, I would recycle you--make something better, but I can't... I need more... I love you...

Why is innocence so dangerous? Why should I make sense? Life doesn't...

I'm the ink blot...

Very hard, but suggestive.

You turn me on like I do my car, you drive-and I join in for the ride. Is it an accident?

Is the pain intentional? Why do we lose games? Let's play one.

EVOLution...be it forever, it is

Infinite. Drain me of it, but refueling is always free, yet it's harder each time. Give it all so I can take it; I’ll give you everything.

-Promise?

Daily Values

I got so close-it could've been a disaster...

Why do the people keep looking at me? I'm concerned..

You've fallen to the ground; you need me to help you? Or can you manage on your own??

It’s splattered everywhere, but I love it.

Your pit is hard--very hard. But your flesh is so soft, very delicious...

But sometimes you go bad.

I gave you my leftovers, to be kind. I am me, being me...

The music is relaxing, the chore is cumbersome... when will it end?!

I’m determined to see you once more... not because of your appearance, but because i enjoy your presence. You give off this feeling, it’s radiating like the sun--but it's not harmful.

What am I to do? I give you what you need, yet you still fail... I’ll rip out your roots and replace you...

I look in the reflection-I do not see myself, I see, a glow-but with dark colors.

There are spots--they are signs of maturity. One will go and three will grow.

I love my hair today--it looks good.

Let’s take a walk, during the "cool" weather.

A storm is coming--I hope it's a big one. I love to feel the power of something.

I can feel a part of you dripping on my chest. It kind of tickles.

The hairs on my stomach are nice-in-a sense. It shows something... not maturity or masculinity--but something.

I like it hard and fast, it sounds emotional when the violin is played.

The brightness of this white scrub bothers my eyes...

You’re so warm, I’m so cold. I really do need you...

Your lips are sensational! The softness and taste.

I want you "inside" of me-not sexually.

You still are the best muffin--the 'top' shelf.

The Sensation

It’s easy for me to fall in love

But ever so difficult to not want to

To lose someone, is like

Like

Slamming a metal rod onto a powered light bulb

Once the light it broken, you feel it

Surging through your body

The pain

The electricity

It comes as a shock

I know...for a fact

If I ever lost you

It would be

The worst experience of my life

Something so powerful

To just go out

I cant bare

So touch me again

I want to feel you breathe

I want to listen, to the silence you have

Rather than the silence you won’t offer

Your taste

The sensation runs through me

Like stepping into a cold shower

You know you’re going to feel it

But you do it anyway

It touches your body

And you try to curl up

You muscles react so violently

Once you get used to it--your body is still in shock

So you shiver

You’re the shivers I have

The good shivers

The shivers I want

It lets me know you're there

It lets me know I can feel you

My body goes numb

I can’t feel you anymore

But I see you

Touching my body

Like the cold water

We jump into everything together

But we can't get out at the same time

So who gets out of the shower first?

I do

Because I know

You’ll be right there--right where I left you

All I have to do

Is step back in with you

And start the good sensation all over again--the sensation vies always wanted. The one I’ve waited ever so long for

By the way, everything I’m saying is nothing bad

I promise

-Promise?

I Remember You

Today, destroy me, this way

Anything that may desert you, so it can not hurt you

Everything you touch, you don’t feel

Do not know what you steal

Shakes your hand, takes your gun

Destroy everything you touch, today, please destroy me-this way

Anything that may delay might just save you

I don’t know--but this song means something to me

It’s so simple, but I love it. : )

Look behind you

You do not know what you steal

Give it--take it--come closer--push away--run to me--run away--give a hug--obscenity

It is what you see

It is what I lost

I found it

You found me

I discovered you

I loved you first

And you second

Then me third

Other than that feeling of happiness

It comes with other

Things

It’s like-you're love

That right, you're

Like my simple quote

About me being the black

And you being the white

The image of the tree

It means something to me

Sometimes I can't explain

Something*

When it comes--it’s a rush

When it goes, it’s like a waterfall

The water is destructive, but can create better things within time

It erodes the bad from the top

And exposes the good

Like a negative

I am the negative you will expose

And we are the black and white image of the leafless tree

The new leaves, it is the evolution

Sometimes they grow fast, or slow

They fall off

And new ones come

Even better than before

The tree is stronger

More durable

Ever so willing to accept whatever life gives it

Wind, water, torture, life, love, and death

It’s so simple--yet nobody can understand it the way I do

It’s easy to explain

I’m cool. I can feel it

Nobody understands my true potential